Sitting in on Class

In December, my buddy Ayub and I walked into the wrong classroom by accident after our middle-of-class break. (Aside: classes are 90 minutes long, so you get a 5 minute break after 45 minutes) We stood in the doorway for a moment and were confused since we didn't notice any of the kids in the class but were sure that we had walked into the right room. We had actually just stopped short by one room, and were therefore, next door to our classroom. During the confusion, which lasted at most, for 1 minute, the Korean and Japanese students were in total shock; I mean the look on the their faces was priceless. They had all been conversing and as a few noticed our confusion, they all turned silent and turned to us.

Of course they were far too polite/awkward (you choose the word, I'd say the former rather than the latter) to say or do anything but stare with open mouths. It was then we came up with an idea.

The plan: To sit in on a random class that didn't have any westerners and see what happened. We would walk in without saying a word, as if everything was normal, take our seats and attend class. We anticipated that the teacher would start asking us if we were in the wrong class or lost. If asked anything by students or teachers, we planned to politely smile and pretend not to understand or speak Chinese, or to speak it at the lowest level possible. In other words, we planned to be as awkward and as difficult as possible for everyone.

My Bike

After one year of intense pressure (read: nagging from Zayd, Andrew and all of my other bike-riding friends), I finally caved and bought a bike last fall (I've since left Beijing).

I wanted to buy the cheapest bike since I didn't plan to ride it long distances, just to classes and back. I went to two stores, found the cheapest bike possible and bargained for it. I didn't get much knocked off, but it didn't matter. I had a cheap, dumpy bike that I could ride to school. I was thrilled.

My emotionally blissful state lasted for approximately 3 minutes. It was then I realized a very important thing: my bike sucked, like much more than I thought it would. Little did I know what I was in for.

As I rode away from the store, I noticed that I had a hard time peddling. The bike just would not move, regardless of how hard I pedaled and how much I sweated. About 20 minutes later, exhausted and convinced it was not just my wickedly out-of-shape body rejecting some much-needed exercise, I gave up. I looked down and saw I had a flat back tire (Yes I know, it should have been obvious, but it had been like 10 years since I had actually ridden a bike, sue me). I went to a store, filled it with air and was off. The next day, the tire was flat again. I went back to the store where I had bought the bike, complained, and got a new tire installed for free. I was happy once again.

The next day, my front tire was flat, and I had to buy a new one. I was starting to think maybe this whole cheap bike scheme wasn't such a great idea in the first place. But I got to class without a problem. Things were smooth.

Until, a few days later when I was riding and I braked to avoid a fellow student crossing one of the university's pathways. Only the bike didn't stop; so I had to get my brakes replaced (Thanks to some expert bike maneuvering, like using my feet as makeshift brakes, I did not hit the student).
Then, the next day, my brake handle flew off my bike without warning as I was biking along campus, almost hitting some poor Korean girl in the face. I got that fixed for free though since I complained yet again. The shopkeeper's grin said the whole story, but he simply had to rub it in my face,"Well you bought a cheap bike."

On a ride back from the Beijing Film Academy to my apartment, I heard a click and a snap. My pedal had somehow become dislodged and I could not fix it with my bare manly hands. This meant that I had to push my bike all the way home. A relatively pleasant 20 minute ride in the thick smog on a dark and chilly November night became a 50 minute walk. The guy at a repair shop took one look at it, smiled, and then got his wrench. A nut had fallen out, so he replaced it and then hit the side of peddle as hard as he could with his wrench. " 行 (Good, in this case)" he yelled with a wide grin without asking for any money. I was off and happy again.

One week later, I went to ride my bike to class and found that my rear tire was flat again; I didn't bother to fix it. I always liked walking through my neighborhood anyway.

Fake Interview Part 3

The other students gradually filed out of the room leaving me alone and kind of nervous, and wondering what kind of guy the GM would be.

The door suddenly opened and he walked in, cool and confident; it was clear that he had been educated abroad, and before he opened his mouth I could tell that he smelled a rat. I had no real choice but to play it out and stick to the original story.

I stood up and we shook hands as we greeted each other. And then the questioning began.

His English was flawless and had no trace of an accent. Impressive.

"So you're Jamie from Beijing University?" he asked, looking at my resume.

"Nope, that's Jamil and I studied at Beijing Normal University."

"Ok is there anything else you're lying about?"

I knew this one was coming and was prepared. I usually went by Jamie the last few months in Beijing since no one could ever pronounce my name properly, " Nope, my name is Jamie in China, because no one can pronounce my real name."

"Hmm. Ok. And how did you get here?"

So I told him the whole fake story.

"Ok now who from HR at headquarters emailed you to come here today?"

"I don't know, it was from the department, but did not have a specified contact name. I replied with a confirmation and then left the United States and came here as scheduled. I really am surprised that no one told you. Believe me, if you think this is awkward, I can't even begin to tell you how strange this is for me, but that's life, you know."

"You know we have a very rigorous process at this company and it would be unfair to the other students here for me to just give you an interview. I can send your documents to HR back in the United States."

"Go ahead, I've already passed everything in the U.S. including assessments and had a general first round interview."

"Okay."

We stood up, shook hands, and I left the room. Pretty anticlimactic, huh?

My buddy was waiting back in the room, and as I finished changing out of my suit and prepared for some final day sightseeing, he slapped a 100 RMB note in my hand. Well worth it.

As we came back to the hotel about 5 hours later, the company staff was standing around awkwardly in the lobby waiting for something or someone. As they turned to look in another direction, I sprinted past them and hid in the gift shop for a solid five minutes before hopping quietly into an elevator.